Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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