life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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