Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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