he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
