i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
