Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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