i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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