I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
