I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
