I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
