No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
