did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
