I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
