I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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