I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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