so explain again why im purple
no
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
