I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
