Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
