he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
