I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
