OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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