3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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