this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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