Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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