matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
