it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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