How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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