She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
