I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
