you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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