new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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