All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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