grandma shit on top of the toilet
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
