They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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