I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
