oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
