How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
