are you still at the devil's house?
you would pick up someone in the library
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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