when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
