he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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