I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
