apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We don't watch enough power rangers
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
