Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
