Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
