I'm jealous of your bromance
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
