i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
