you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
