Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The beer is more important than you right now.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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