First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm getting married
To pizza
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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