I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
we're making bets on your personal life
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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