I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
