just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
