the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
