you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
