there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
