with your own penis?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
